I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
