three words: i give head
three words: not that well
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So. Much. Porn.
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