The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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