Have you finally orgasmed yet?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
