strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think I just shit out all my problems.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I love you.
Bad choice
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