something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
