you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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