Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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