Who did Billy Mays play for?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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