I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
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