If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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