So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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