I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
