Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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