I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
