Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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