Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
