He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You're a waste of cheezeits
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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