This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
