I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
