For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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