Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
