a queef is a wish your heart makes.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
