is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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