Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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