was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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