yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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