This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
