Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Randomize
