Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
