I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
