I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
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