it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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