this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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