weddingsv make me drug and hornr
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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