I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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