Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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