that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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