and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So vagazzling was a success
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
