dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
