I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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