One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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