they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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