just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
