we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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