So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
