I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Tornado booty call.. dedication
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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