Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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