textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
