I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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